Bite Me!
by LittleBlackSparrow
Summary: Roxanne is a witch who left her family in order to purse a life away from the supernatural and becomes a private investigator to pay the bills and satisfy her natural curiosity. Her life was 'normal' until she is hired by a mysterious client named N and crosses paths with the last being she would ever want to meet in her life. The No-Life King, Alucard.


_**Sparrow: Welcome to Bite Me! **_

_**Due to the fact I normally read the book before watching the movie, I chose to base my fan fiction off the manga and the OVA (Hellsing Ultimate) that gives the whole series more justice. Yes, the main character is a witch. Who cares, she still dies like any human being if she got shot or stabbed.**_

_**Disclaimer: The Hellsing Franchise belongs to its brilliant writer and artist Kouta Hirano. Dracula belongs to Bram Stoker. Roxy and all the things that don't occur in the Hellsing franchise belong to me. I am not making any money off of this nor am I planning to. Don't bother to sue me, you won't get anything out of it.**_

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**~ Episode One ~**

_**The Envelope**_

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"War makes monsters out of men."

**~ Patrick Ness**

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**9:23 PM**

A young sixteen year old girl with sandy brown hair was running away in terror from something that should only exist in horror movies. On the edge of the park was the body of a boy a year older than her with his head ripped from the base of his neck and a few feet away was a half-eaten head of his dark brown haired head.

She ran into a green jeep parked on the edge of the park's parking lot and tried to rev the engine as she twisted the key in the ignition. The sound of the engine stalling and going dead filled her with dread and she began to panic further when she looked into the park and saw that the monster was gone. She fearfully searches the park's outskirts and all she found was the body of her deceased date. She sobbed and started to scream at the Jeep to start up as she tried to rev the engine again, only to be given the same result as the last.

Suddenly, something landed on the roof above her, making it rock violently side to side before the roof is violently peeled back like a can of sardines. A pale hand reached down and grabbed her by the back of her neck with inhuman speed. The last thing she saw as she was dragged out while kicking and screaming were glowing, crimson eyes of a monster as her blood curdling screams echoed through the night air.

There was her screaming in terror, her begging for mercy, and then…

The dead stillness of silence.

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**6:37 AM, Roxy's Apartment **

Sunlight filtered through the drawn shut shutters of an apartment's living room and lit up the dark room dimly. A small T.V. kept on due to the owner's forgetfulness had the news channel on. A professionally dress anchor woman with her hair dressed up into a bun was standing LIVE in front of crime scene with a green Jeep with its roof halfway torn off and in the distance a censored blub of a dead body.

"Last night, a couple walking through the nearby park heard screaming and came upon the body of Mark Parker, a seventeen year old high school student, and the motor vehicle of Milena Foster, who has been reported as missing by her mother at 10 PM last night. The forensics said that Mark Parker was possibly murdered by what could have been a sharp, serrated blade and that his face might have been eaten by a large animal, but they are unsure and are planning to perform an autopsy this afternoon to see-"

Four light, quick knocks raps against the hard wood door of Roxy's apartment, shortly followed after by the ringing of her door bell and a black catalog envelope being slipped under the door. Light footsteps quickly hurried away as a dark brown male Maine Coon with copper eyes strolled up to it and chirped at it in curiosity. Sensing that his master wasn't going to wake up to retrieve it, the cat strode into Roxy's bedroom with his raccoon-like tail in the air and hopped onto her bed. The huge cat watched his master quietly, her black hair poked out in different directions and her dark brown chest rising up and down.

Then he bites down on her face.

"Ow!" Roxy's hazel eyes shot open in shock and her hand instinctively goes to her nose, quickly gets up and hurried to slip on her pajama bottoms over her boy shorts. "Keats, that hurts!"

Keats just chirped at her in annoyance and jumped off the bed to trot towards the door leading out of her apartment and sat down next to a black envelope. Curious, Roxy turned away to hastily fastened her bottoms on and turned back to catch the Maine Coon pawing at the envelope's black wax seal that was impressed with a blank seal.

It wasn't unusual for Roxy's clients to hire her services as a private investigator in this manner. Some interested parties just don't want to be known and spouses with partners committing adultery do not want her to know their faces and recognize them around town due to shame, maybe pride. Regardless, she is paid in the end and will stay on the case like a barnacle on a boat's hull until her client broke it off or she solved the case.

She narrowed her eyes at the blank seal before breaking it and revealing the contents inside.

First, there was another black envelope letter with the same blank seal. Why they would put an envelope in another envelope, she will never know, but coupled with the letter was a small rectangular package wrapped in paper, a list of places, and a picture of a red haired woman with brown eyes. Roxy settled everything on her kitchen table and ripped open the envelope and she found a typed letter that read-

_Hello Private Investigator Roxanne N. Calhoun,_

_Who am I and what my intentions are, are not of any importance to you. What I do find of importance to you is that I want to hire your services as a private investigator. I believe that you have seen what was on the news these past two months. The one where there have been an increasing number of young women going missing?_

_One of those girls is named Bethany Eli. She is a close friend of mine and I wish to know what happened to her. I need you to find her. If you find the other girls by any coincidence, then good, maybe you can collect the reward money the parents set out for their return. I do not care; I wish to see that Miss Eli is found._

_Your pay is in the envelope, wrapped in a wrapping tissue and paid in the proper amount. Should the investigation stretch on any longer, then I will have your pay sent in again._

_N_

'_Who the heck is 'N?' This isn't Death Note.' _Roxy thought as she picked up the picture of Ash Croft and examined the sharp angle on her face.

'_She looks so pretty…I remember her face. It was one of the women who have gone missing over the past few months. Her co-writer reported her missing after she didn't show up to work of a week.'_ Roxy turned her attention towards her TV and saw that another girl went missing. _'And now there is a murder as well.'_

Keats looks at the wrapped wad of money and batted at it with his paw. Roxy scratched behind his ears and under his chin as she picks it up and starts to rip it open, smiling.

"Let's see, how much our client wants to pay us." She cooed.

Just as she was about to reveal her earnings, her T.V set exploded into a fury of confused sounds and shouts. The roar of a van's engine could be heard and when she looked up to see what was going on, she saw four black vans appear on the scene. Soldiers dressed in mustard yellow anti-terrorist uniforms filed out of the vehicles and began to surround the crime scene, blocking it from the audience's view. Bystanders witnessing the scene were ushered away and the blob censoring the corpse on the scene was being prepared to be quickly disposed of by guys in white biohazard suits.

"Just now, four mysterious, black vans just pulled in and now the anti-terrorist tactics group has filled the scene an- What the hell are you doing?!" One of the soldiers came up to the camera and suddenly the image of the park and the solider, changed to a close up shot of his yellow uniform chest pocket. The image shook violently due to the camera man most likely fighting for dominance over his equipment and the anchor woman was shrieking expletives at the newcomer to get away.

First the sound cuts off and the audience was presented with a shaking background of yellow and then the yellow cuts to an image of a camera with a lightning bolt shooting through it with the words '_Technical Difficulties, Please Stand By_' written around it.

Roxy stared at the TV set, stunned and dumbstruck by what just occurred in front of her. She took one look at the letter and swallowed nervously as she slowly got up.

"Looks like this may be far more complicated than I thought…"

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_**See ya'll next chapter!**_


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